I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have feelings that need drinking.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
