Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
