it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
