I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
