I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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