So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
