Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
