I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
