now i know why i became what i already was.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
