I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
