Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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