i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
