I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
