hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
