I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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