I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
