The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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