I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
