New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
