Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My hand turned me down
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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