pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
