don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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