Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
