It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
two words: eviction party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
