from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
