whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
