He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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