you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
