thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
