Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
