Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
