About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
