Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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