So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
