I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
