Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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