I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
