We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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