Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
