i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
