new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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