Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
