wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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