I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
