i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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