worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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