Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
