I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
