Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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