My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
