Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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