i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
