I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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