You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
