you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
