Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
