:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
