so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
