I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
