am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
