lets start a swedish sibling band together
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
tell me about the eggs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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