Your tits are I can't wait for
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize