So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
