if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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