drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
