she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
