I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
