I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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