stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
