His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
